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Nancy Balmer

Handling Administration, Music, Web coordinator and Children's Ministry

When God Created Mothers

Posted on: May 12, 2012 at 09:40 - comments
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When God Created Mothers by Erma Bombeck From the hilarious columns of the late great Erma Bombeck in my homilies. She was a very funny lady, a gifted writer, and a devout Catholic. The following column was her Mother’s Day column for May 12, 1974. It was so good that I just used it as-is. Erma, we miss you! When the Good Lord was creating mothers, He was into his sixth day of “overtime” when an angel appeared and said, “You’re doing a lot of fiddling around on this one.” And the Lord said, “Have you read the specs on this order? She has to be completely washable, but not plastic; Have 180 movable parts... all replaceable; Run on black coffee and leftovers; Have a lap that disappears when she stands up; A kiss that can cure anything from a broken leg to a disappointed love affair; And six pairs of hands.” The angel shook her head slowly and said, “Six pairs of hands... no way.” “It’s not the hands that are causing me problems,” said the Lord. “It’s the three pairs of eyes that mothers have to have.” “That’s on the standard model?” asked the angel. The Lord nodded. “One pair that sees through closed doors when she asks

When God Created Mothers

Posted on: May 12, 2012 at 09:40 - comments
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When God Created Mothers by Erma Bombeck From the hilarious columns of the late great Erma Bombeck in my homilies. She was a very funny lady, a gifted writer, and a devout Catholic. The following column was her Mother’s Day column for May 12, 1974. It was so good that I just used it as-is. Erma, we miss you! When the Good Lord was creating mothers, He was into his sixth day of “overtime” when an angel appeared and said, “You’re doing a lot of fiddling around on this one.” And the Lord said, “Have you read the specs on this order? She has to be completely washable, but not plastic; Have 180 movable parts... all replaceable; Run on black coffee and leftovers; Have a lap that disappears when she stands up; A kiss that can cure anything from a broken leg to a disappointed love affair; And six pairs of hands.” The angel shook her head slowly and said, “Six pairs of hands... no way.” “It’s not the hands that are causing me problems,” said the Lord. “It’s the three pairs of eyes that mothers have to have.” “That’s on the standard model?” asked the angel. The Lord nodded. “One pair that sees through closed doors when she asks

The Carpenter

Posted on: May 05, 2012 at 10:28 - comments
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Once upon a time, two brothers who lived on adjoining farms fell into conflict. It was the first serious rift in 40 years of farming side-by-side, sharing machinery and trading labor and goods as needed without a hitch. Then the long collaboration fell apart. It began with a small misunderstanding and it grew into a major difference and finally, it exploded into an exchange of bitter words followed by weeks of silence. One morning there was a knock on John's door. He opened it to find a man with a carpenter's toolbox. 'I 'm looking for a few days' work,' he said. 'Perhaps you would have a few small jobs here and there I could help with? Could I help you?' 'Yes,' said the older brother. 'I do have a job for you. Look across the creek at that farm. That's my neighbor. In fact, it's my younger brother! Last week there was a meadow between us. He recently took his bulldozer to the river levee and now there is a creek between us. Well, he may have done this to spite me, but I'll do him one better. See that pile of lumber by the barn? I want you to build me a fence an 8-foot fence -- so I won't need to see his place or his face anymore.' The carpenter said, 'I think

Is my Little Boy All Right?

Posted on: Apr 23, 2012 at 12:00 - comments
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This is beautiful!     She jumped up as soon as she saw the surgeon come out of the operating room. She said: 'How is my little boy? Is he going to be all right? When can I see him?' The surgeon said, 'I'm sorry. We did all we could, but your boy didn't make it.'     Sally said, 'Why do little children get cancer? Doesn't God care any more? Where were you, God, when my son needed you?'    The surgeon asked, 'Would you like some time alone with your son? One of the nurses will be out in a few minutes, before he's transported to the university.'    Sally asked the nurse to stay with her while she said good bye to son. She ran her fingers lovingly through his thick red curly hair. 'Would you like a lock of his hair?' the nurse asked. Sally nodded yes. The nurse cut a lock of the boy's hair, put it in a plastic bag and handed it to Sally.    The mother said, 'It was Jimmy's idea to donate his body to the University for Study. He said it might help somebody else. 'I said no at first, but Jimmy said, 'Mom, I won't be using it after I die. Maybe it will help s

God Always Does Things Right

Posted on: Apr 20, 2012 at 12:00 - comments
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His way is always the best way, even if to us it seems all wrong. If you asked God for one thing, and got another TRUST. You can be sure that he will always give you what you need at the appropriate time.   

THE U IN JESUS

Posted on: Mar 23, 2012 at 04:30 - comments
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Before U were thought of or time had begun, God stuck U in the name of His Son..  And each time U pray, you'll see it's true, You can't spell out JesUs and not include U. You're a pretty big part of His wonderful name, For U, He was born; that's why He came. And His

Our Trip To Orlando Speedworld

Posted on: Mar 07, 2012 at 02:59 - comments
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Feb 28 - March 4   Orlando  Speedworld We had a safe trip down and back and that is the only thing that went well. It started with a huge motorhome and trailer being hit coming to the track.  65 feet long and lights along the top and bottom and the other driver said he didn't see it. There were several crashes on the track,  one particularly bad deal was a push man, Bob, driving a 4 wheeler tried to make it across the track in front of a sprint car and well he was hit.  He flew into the air and landed on his head and back.  Bleeding and barely unable to move the ambulance took him to the hospital in critical condition.... Dudley accompanied him for fear he would not make it. His step son's wife was in a truck with her husband and saw the entire thing.  They also live with the injured man.  She was histerical and they carried her off the track to where I was and my work started.  I spend 2 hours praying and calming her and well she had one of the worst panic attacks I have ever seen.  Finally had to put her on Xanax and a cigarette started to calm her down after a while. Another driver good friend of ours, Je

Daniel's Gloves

Posted on: Feb 17, 2012 at 09:30 - comments
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This is an awesome story. Daniel's GlovesI sat, with two friends, in the picture window of a quaint restaurant just off the corner of the town-square. The food and the company were both especially good that day. As we talked, my attention was drawn outside, across the street. There, walking into town, was a man who appeared to be carrying all his worldly goods on his back. He was carrying, a well-worn sign that read, 'I will work for food.' My heart sank. I brought him to the attention of my friends and noticed that others around us had stopped eating to focus on him. Heads moved in a mixture of sadness and disbelief. We continued with our meal, but his image lingered in my mind. We finished our meal and went our separate ways. I had errands to do and quickly set out to accomplish them. I glanced toward the town square, looking somewhat halfheartedly for the strange visitor. I was fearful, knowing that seeing him again would call some response. I drove through town and saw nothing of him. I made some purchases at a store and got back in my car. Deep wi

THE BIBLE

Posted on: Jan 28, 2012 at 03:41 - comments
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  This makes me want to leave a Bible lay open in my house all the time! Ruth Graham , the wife of Reverend Billy Graham , said she did. Did you know that when you carry “the Bible,” Satan has a headache; when you open it, he collapses; when he sees you reading it, he loses his strength; AND when you stand on the Word of God, Satan can't hurt you?         And did you also know... when you are about to forward an email about God to others, the devil will discourage you? Forward it anyway.  Let's mess up Satan's day !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! God Bless You All

IF YOU NEVER ?

Posted on: Jan 11, 2012 at 04:56 - comments
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If you never felt pain, Then how would you know that I am a Healer? If you never had to pray, How would you know that I am a Deliverer? If you never had a trial, How could you call yourself an overcomer? If you never felt sadness, How would you know that I am a Comforter? If you never made a mistake, How would you know that I am a forgiver? If you knew all, How would you know that I will answer your questions? If you never were in trouble, How would you know that I will come to your rescue? If you never were broken, Then how would you know that I can make you whole? If you never had a problem,How would you know that I can solve them? If you never had any suffering, Then how would you know what I went through? If you never went through the fire, Then how would you become pure? If I gave you all things, How would you appreciate them? If I never corrected you, How would you know that I love you? If you had all power, Then how would you learn to depend on me? If your life was perfect, Then what would you need me for?