ANOTHER BIRTHDAY

Posted on: May 02, 2012 at 03:09
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I very quietly confided to my best friend that I was having an affair.

She turned to me and asked, 'Are you having it catered'?

And that, my friend, is the definition of 'OLD'!

 

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,

'How old was your husband?'

'98,' she replied: 'Two years older than me'

'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.

She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?'

 

Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:

'And what do you think is the best thing

about being 104?' the reporter asked.

She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'

 

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,

so I got my doctor's permission to

join a fitness club and start exercising.

I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.

I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour.. But,

by the time I got my leotards on,

the class was over.

 

An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and

told her preacher she had two final requests.

First, she wanted to be cremated, and second,

she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.

'Wal-Mart?' the preacher exclaimed.

'Why Wal-Mart?'

'Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week'

 

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

 

Know how to prevent sagging?

Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

 

It's scary when you start making the same noises

as your coffee maker.

 

These days about half the stuff

in my shopping cart says,

'For fast relief.'

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