The Tree Experience

Posted on: Dec 16, 2015 at 09:37
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When you live by yourself, after a period of time you develop habits and living styles that don't mesh with the Ozzie & Harriet's. So it came to be, my house did not have a Christmas tree in the living-room during the Christmas season. Well, the new wife changed that, she wanted a Christmas tree with all the trimmings. I was okay with it as long as she did it herself from picking out the lights, bulbs. tree, & stand; but most importantly kept it well watered so as not to burn the house down.  My sole duty was to train the dog to not fertilize or water the handy new indoor pluming. Figuring I had taken responsibility for the hard and dangerous part of this deal.  Soon after I walk into the house and am overcome with the scent of artificial Pine-sol. Sitting upon the glass-top kitchen table now sitting in the middle of living room, is a 4 foot tall green tree with lights and stuff stuck all over it. Her pride and joy. The dog and I look at one another thinking I got the better end of this deal! Covering the tree stand and table is a white felt cloth with gold trim. Pulling the cloth back exposes a nice red stand nearly full of water. Perfect. Over the course of the next several days this tree grows limp, and more limp. I tell the caretaker of this kindling that it is once again out of water. On about day 5 or 6 I come home from work and walk into the house, the Christmas tree looks sad, really really sad. I walk over and reach for the white felt cloth to check the water container when I notice lots of green spots on the white felt.  What????? Then a green drop falls from a leaf.  Reaching to where the green drop fell from I notice wetness, my fingers now have a slimy green coating on them. The tree is Wall-Mart artificial paper machete, and has sucked up several gallons of water, you could use it to slap & stomp out a fire. There was never a threat it would go to flame..... Gene Steele

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